Breaking Bad Habits

 ... and creating new ones.

I once was in a relationship that made me feel dreadful day in and day out. The person I was married to had absolutely no time for me. When I called him at the office and left a message, he ignored me. If it was an emergency, he ignored me. We were in the final stages of our marriage, and I was getting ready to move on. I realized I had to somehow break the ties to him. He had discarded me emotionally long before this. It. was up to me to move on. So this is what I did.

Every day, I was tempted to call him, make contact, and hear his voice; I suppose I was still looking for hope. When I realized there wasn't, I decided that I had to train myself not to call him, not expect him home for dinner or anything else that happily married couples do.

The first thing I did was stop the phone calls to his office for any reason. This wasn't easy because it was an ingrained habit. I chose that habit to break first. Under no circumstances did I allow myself to call him. After a few weeks, I didn't want to call him, but I still thought about it. It was about three months, and suddenly, one day, I realized that I hadn't called him or thought about calling him in over a month. It was as if he was removed from my subconscious mind as a go-to person.

Next, I gave up expecting him home for dinner or around on the weekends. I went through the same process as above. Within a few months, I realized he was not someone I counted on or even wanted to see or talk to. There had been many years of unhappiness, I just needed to break unhealthy habits. We began living separate lives in our household, and eventually, I filed for divorce. I was completely done.

Once it was over, I wished I had done it sooner, but adjusting myself and breaking old habits took me through the moving-on process step by step until I was free of the situation and did not miss it or think about it. 

Everyone has their own way of doing things. I had to realize that much of this marriage was just a series of bad habits of going along to get along, and when it no longer worked for me, I began breaking those behaviors and habits. 

This week, during the Curious Club Meeting, I wrote about how to think about things that are good. Similarly, we can stop habits that are not good for us and are destructive and replace them with good, healthy habits. Taking some of these renewals of the mind step by step will not be as complicated as you would think.

I hope this helps!

Your friend Denise

God's Guidance

 I was given a book titled God Guides by Mary Emma Geegh many years ago. She believed that “where God guides, He provides.” I have ordered several copies since then and passed them out. It’s a short book with several examples of how Mary, a missionary in India, asked God what to do throughout her everyday circumstances, resulting in His advice and positive outcomes in her life and those with whom she shared her beliefs. Her stories represented a new way of communicating with God, and I wondered if it would work. I began pursuing Him and pursued His advice for many years, and I can tell you it works. The bonus of this method is a friendship with God. To my disappointment, I don’t always listen to His answers and rush ahead down my reckless path, which always results in my disadvantage.

As we meditate and talk to God in quiet silence, our thoughts and questions become potent prayers that bring positive answers. One day, while talking to God, my thoughts drifted over this subject. I heard from the Holy Spirit, “To trust man is folly.” From experience, I knew this was not an attack on humankind but rather a truth that when choosing paths, thoughts, directions, and every action in our lives, to consult God is to move your prayers into the Heavenly Realms, where His answers are perfect, sound, and accurate. If we only consult men, then those opinions (only opinions) are shaded or jaded by man’s experiences and mindsets, which, because of their very nature, will not be perfect. Only God’s input is perfect. 

God uses different modes of communication. He may speak to you through another person, and you will know it’s right because your gut will tell you. It will line up with what He has been telling you. It is confirmation. It will also line up with scripture. If it contradicts the Bible, you probably aren’t hearing from God.

Reading this book was the beginning of a change in my prayer life. I began listening to God for guidance regarding all of my concerns. I didn’t feel like an angry, ignored child anymore. I became open to a friendship with Him. I began to count on His wisdom. God cares about everything. His advice may seem counterintuitive at times, but it requires faith. God doesn’t operate as we do. I know He’s not a “little boiling teapot,” as I was once referred to.

How does He guide us? Through our gut, ideas flash across our minds, new thoughts, circumstances, spoken words of others, and sometimes unusual ideas—a quiet voice. His ways are countless. In my case, He always met me right where I was and communicated in ways that I would uniquely understand. After all, He created me and knew how to get through to me. He knows you just as well.

Listening and paying attention to God takes practice. Yielding yourself to His voice rather than your own requires developing a habit. In week #4 of Curiosity Corner Club, we’ll talk more about seeking God’s guidance and listening to him even when it seems complicated. I’ll tell you why: if your advice comes from the heavenly realms, how can it be wrong?

Today’s Prayer Method

1. Get quiet

2. Ask your question

3. Wait in silence

Thanks for reading!

Denise