Forgiveness is Freedom

Today, I'm writing about something people pay little attention to - forgiveness.

Here is a short self-test: If you think about someone you have a grudge against repeatedly—daily, weekly—and the terrible thing or things they did to you, and when you think about it, it plays over and over in your mind like a movie reel and makes you feel terrible in the pit of your stomach, chances are you have unforgiveness toward them.

And what if you're like I was, nearly exploding with it? What do you do? I had no idea what to do with all of my anger. If you are like me, you're thinking, "I'm not going to forgive them because they'll get away with it then."

That's wrong thinking! And that's okay; I thought that way most of my life. If you're like me and you do, those sad thoughts will continue to hum along through life and become part of your subconscious, and those tragic thoughts will take their toll and drag you down.

I want to share a story. A while ago, life was not going happily for me. I was having a lot of issues on a lot of fronts. I thought that all of these problems must be demonic attacks. They were, but not because I was the perfect person I thought I was. Here's what happened.

Like so many, I fooled myself into thinking that the traumas in my life had nothing to do with me. It was everyone else's fault.

And then one day, I was listening to a podcast and heard a man testify about his divorce, his mistakes, and the toll they took on his life. As a result of his experience, he began a deliverance ministry based on forgiveness.

For some reason, this particular podcast struck a chord with me. It was the Lord answering my prayers for help. I was so desperately upset by everything in my life, and I felt that life had been entirely unfair and that it was everyone else's fault.

I felt life was horrible because I was this wonderful person who prayed for everyone when in reality, I was a bitter, emotionally crippled person who knew nothing about forgiveness. I had not yet learned forgiveness was the key to healing my broken heart and every other area of my life.

I wrote down the email of this man's deliverance ministry and fired off a message telling him I was at the end of my rope, at odds with everyone, and that I was convinced the devil himself was trying to kill me with misery. There, I felt better. It was a bit dramatic, but so be it.

At the very least, I thought my email would be tossed into a pile with hundreds of others and prayed over. God might notice my terrible plight and pay attention to me, finally. I felt better and headed to the shower to wash my hair. Almost immediately, my phone began to ring. I looked at the screen. It was an unknown caller. I never picked up those phone calls, but that day, I did.

"Denise?" a man asked as I answered.

"Yes," I responded in shock.

He explained who he was, the man from the podcast. "I just read your email. I never call people myself when they email me, but I'm very concerned about you."

I burst into tears. Finally, someone saw how terrible my life was!

He talked me off the ceiling, told me everything would be okay, and prayed for me. I got off the phone feeling much better. Over the next few days, we scheduled a Zoom session with him and his team to talk and pray with me. 

Finally, I thought, they'll get the devil off my back. I was sure it was all his and his demon's fault.

That night on Zoom changed my life, and I will never stop being grateful to this man and his team. First, they explained that deliverance comes through forgiveness. If I accepted Jesus as my savior and forgave everyone in my life, the devil's torments and painful events would begin to dissolve.

We dug in.

First, they showed me Matthew 18:21—35— the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. A wonderful woman on the team explained this scripture: being turned over to the jailer meant being turned over to the devil and his tormenters, the demons who wreak havoc in our lives. God does not forgive us or free us from the tormentor until we forgive others; if we don't, we won't join Him in the kingdom of God. He's very clear in this scripture. It leaves no confusion. I was shocked. A light went on in my head.

"Ohhhhh," I said.

They laughed because they saw that I was beginning to get it. How many times had I heard this verse, but that night with the team of four other people, they showed me that I was in jail with the tormentors (demonic events) because of my unforgiveness! 

One of the ladies said, "Denise, is there anything in your life worse than hanging on a cross, stripped naked, and being mocked by soldiers dividing your clothes and belongings?" 

I thought for a moment.

"No, there is nothing worse," I answered.

"And yet, in the middle of all that, he forgave them," she explained.

Over the next five hours, yes five hours, we talked; I asked God to forgive me for sins that the Holy Spirit brought up and forgave what seemed to be an endless list of people in my life. I couldn't believe it took 5 hours to empty me of my anger, bitterness, and vile unforgiveness for just about everyone in my life. I was embarrassed and apologized for being such a mess, and they laughed and said it was a typical amount of time. I guess most people don't realize how much unforgiveness they have inside them. They finally asked me if there was anyone else I needed to forgive.

"I don't think I know anyone else," I joked, and they laughed.

During this time of prayer and listening, the Holy Spirit guided me to the truth of my bitterness. Follow-up prayers of closing doors to the devil began to rescue me. I grew lighter and lighter in spirit.  We started at 7:00 and finished at 12:30 Eastern time.

The next day, I felt clean, like my soul had been power-washed. I was lighter. They showed me that this had to become a way of life, eliminating the anger. The prayer he taught me was, I forgive so and so, Father; they don't owe me anything; I am only your servant.

I am still praying this prayer because a very important light went on for me that night. I thought I was a victim of life and others, but instead, I realized that my toxic, harmful, repetitive thoughts of the past and others and the blaming of them caused more heartache to come into my life. 

Do not be deceived; God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. Galatians 6:7

My minute understanding of Quantum Physics paid off because I now understood that my unforgiveness attracted more events that led to more unforgiveness.  Our thoughts are energy and attract what we give our attention to. (That is only a tiny piece of QP, but it makes a lot of sense to me.) "Like attracts like" (Law of Attraction). This is my interpretation and the easiest way to picture it. My understanding of Quantum Physics is miniscule, but I believe God has laws that tie into science. Why wouldn't He, since He is the creator of everything?

I wanted to remain clean, and I do to this day. I'm not perfect; I excavate my emotions daily and repent when needed, making me feel good. I forgive others quickly and ask the Holy Spirit to fill, guide, and direct me. I thank Jesus for dying on the cross for me, and I thank God that He is a loving Father who sent His son to set me free.

Life is a mind game, I discovered that night. By that, I mean a series of moves. I had been making all of the wrong ones, and Satan had been winning. But no more! I now control my thoughts, not him. Life is improving daily, and I see God straightening everything out.

Glory to God for freeing me from the abyss of pain, anger, venom, and sorrow. I must confess to you that I was miserable before this night. I thought I was sweet and giving and friendly to everyone when, in fact, I had a cesspool of unforgiveness boiling inside of me. And I was just miserable enough to trust the team and the process of forgiveness to stop losing at life.

I was at the end of myself. No one cared about all of my emotions, misinterpretations, and imaginations. It was time to jump into that clear river of life, fix myself, and stop blaming the devil and everyone else. I'm new inside, but it is a daily journey of rewiring my thoughts and responses, and the payoff has been that my life is getting better and better. 

-All I can say in conclusion is that forgiveness is mind-blowing and life-changing!

Thanks for reading!

Denise